APPLE WATCH SUCKS


*SFX of a clock ticking rapidly and iOS notification sounds* SHUT UP! Ian: Oh uh, do you have the time? Anthony: Yeah yeah, it’s uh, it’s 12:15. Noah: It took 1.5 seconds for you to check the time! Anthony: You timed that? Noah: With this stopwatch on my all new Apple Watch! Noah: Just one of the amazing features it has.

Ian: Doesn’t the iPhone already have a stopwatch? Anthony: Yeah, who the hell wears a wristwatch anymore? Noah: The better question is who doesn’t. Ian: Newborn babies. Anthony: Someone with two broken wrists.

Ian: A guy with no arms. Anthony: People with really small clock phobias. Ian: Pretty much everyone, really. Anthony: Why are you even so excited about this thing? Ian: Yeah, its just another useless Apple product they want us to ”think we need”.

Olivia: That’s a really sexy watch. Olivia: Too bad you guys don’t have one to cover your fat, ugly wrists. Ian: Okay, we got your stupid watch now. What can it do? Noah: You can tap on it, and your friends will feel the tapping.

Anthony: That is really creepy. Ian: Is Apple trying to bring back Morse Code or something? Noah: Uh, it can send a heartbeat. Ian: Why would you wanna do that? Noah: So you know your friends are still alive? Anthony: Okay, why wouldn’t my friend just send me a text, or call me? Ian: Yeah, or they can send you a picture of them not dead.

Noah: …. I gotta go…. Pee! Noah: It’s just a quick tinkle! Noah: Uh, why don’t you fellas stay there, ha? (building burning and screams in the background) Noah: Our plan didn’t work. Keith: But she fat shamed their wrists into getting the watches, right? Noah: Yeah, and they still think they’re lame.

Keith: They won’t after you let them know you can run home appliances with it. Olivia: Only the internet-enabled ones, like your TV and, um… y-y-y-your TV! Keith: That’s right. Anthony: Why would I wanna turn my TV on while I’m not at home? Ian: Yeah, that’s almost as pointless as sucking a fat man’s nipples for milk.

Noah: …. I’ll be back! Anthony: What kind of a metaphor was that? Ian: Okay, it’s not a metaphor, it’s a simile, and I may have tried it once….. I-I-I don’t recommend it… Noah: They didn’t care at all! They just.

.. talked about sucking on some fat dude’s nipples. Olivia: (seductively) Go on…. Keith: Alright…. Time to pull out the big guns…. (starts struggling with the watch)… How do I get to the fitness app again?.

.. Olivia: Hold two fingers on the screen for two seconds. Keith: Okay… One, two… (Ultimate Assassin’s Creed 3 Song starts playing) Olivia: Wrong app, idiot! Keith: Damn it! I’ll hold it for four seconds.

.. Woop, nope, those are my nudes… Three seconds…. O-O-Olivia?… Keith: Olivia! Those my baby pictures, my momma the only person supposed to see those now! No! Noah: (panting and out of breath) ..

.. Look…… It shows your heart rate…. And how far you’ve walked… Along with how many calories you burned, and… I just ran 14 miles… Because my piece of shit car broke down!… Ha!…. Ian: That’s great and all, but I really don’t care about fitness, do you? Anthony: No, I’m perfectly fine with dying at 30.



Noah: Come on! (runs off clumsily with sweat pouring down the back of his shirt) Keith: Yeah, we got nothing else. Noah: Then what did we spend the last five years developing?! It’s a $350 piece of garbage! Olivia: The gold-plated one cost me $5,000.

Oh, come on! Apple used to be a place for innovation, not gimmicky bullshit for rich people! Keith: Yeah, but we like money. Noah: You guys getting this Morse Code tap? Keith: Oh, yeah. Olivia: What does it say? Noah: It says go f*ck yourselves! (flips them off and leaves) Noah: Fine! Heh.

… You guys win! Okay? This thing sucks big fat floppy dicks! Alright? I’ma draw you a picture and send it to you to show you exactly what it looks like! Ha! Ha ha! Ian: Hold up, man. You can draw pictures of dicks and send them to your friends on this thing? Noah: Yeah! Who cares?! Ian and Anthony: THIS IS THE BEST INVENTION OF ALL TIME!!! YEAH!!!! Ian and Anthony: DICKS!!!! Ian: That was our Apple Watch video! Woo, high five! *Random gibberish* Anthony: So yeah, you guys might have noticed these guys in a bunch our videos lately.

Anthony: What are your guys’ names? I’m Keith Leak! I’m Olivia Sui! I’m Noah Grossman! Ian: So, so we’ve been reading the comments, you guys love these guys, WE love these guys… Anthony: I don’t blame you, cause i love all of them! Ian: So we want to bring them in to the Smosh family.

Anthony: They’ve been helping us make videos lately, and they’re amazing, they’re gonna help us do a bunch more content. Anthony: Make sure you guys check out all their stuff they got going on right now, we’re gonna put a bunch of stuff in the description below! Anthony: We got their Instagrams, we got the Twitters, we got the vines! Ian: Begin stalking them like crazy! Ian: Let’s all say bye so we can get to the incard! Everyone: BYE! Ian: Well, since there’s five of us sitting on a couch, i guess you could say we’re all.

.. FRIENDS! *Everyone starts clapping* *Random gibberish* Ian: Click ”subscribe” to see all of our lovely faces in your feed. Ian: Best part is, it’s totally free unlike that gold Apple Watch that’s worth $17,000.

Anthony: Yeah that wasn’t even a joke, they seriously have one that costs that much, look it up. Ian: Yup, and if you wanna see bloopers from this video, and watch us draw ”questionable things” on our Apple Watches: Ian: Click the video on the left.

Anthony: And, if you wanna see Siri try to kill us, click the video on the right. [Music] yeah yes it’s 12:15 it took 1.5 seconds for you to check the time you timed that with this stopwatch on my all-new Apple watch just one of the amazing features it has doesn’t the iPhone already have a stopwatch yeah who the hell wears a wristwatch anymore the better question is who doesn’t newborn babies someone with two broken wrists a guy with no arms people with really small clock phobias pretty much everyone really why are you even

so excited about this thing yeah it’s just another useless Apple product they want us to think we need it so really sexy watch too bad you guys don’t having to come here that lovely wrist [Applause] okay we got your stupid watch now what can it do you can tap on it and your friends will feel the tapping that is really creepy is that will trying to bring back Morse code or something it can send a heartbeat why haven’t you want to do that so you know your friends are still alive okay why wouldn’t my friend just send me a text or call me yeah or they could send you a picture of them not dead I gotta go beep well it’s just a quick tinkle

but why don’t you fellas stay there [Music] our plane didn’t work but he fat shamed their wrists into getting the watches right yeah and they still think they’re lame they won’t after you let them know you can run home appliance with it although the internet neighbor ones like your TV and your TV that’s right why would I want to turn my TV on while I’m not at home yeah that’s almost as pointless as sucking a fat man’s nipples for milk I’ll be back what kind of a metaphor was back okay honey metaphor it’s a simile and I may have tried it once I don’t recommend it they didn’t care at all they just talked about sucking on some fat dudes nipples come on all right time to pull out the big guns [Music] how do I get to the fitness app again hold two fingers on the screen for two seconds those are my nudes three seconds let me uh who’s my baby pictures my mama’s only person supposed to see those no no look it shows your heart rate and how far you’ve walked along with how many calories you burn that I just ran 40 miles because my piece of car trucks yeah that’s great and all

but I really don’t care about fitness do you know I’m perfectly fine with dying at 30 yeah we got nothing else then why did we spend the last five years developing it’s a $350 piece of garbage the gold-plated one cost me 5,000 oh come on Apple used to be a place for innovation not gimmicky Bush for rich people yeah

but we like money guys getting this Morse code tab oh say it says go yourselves fine you guys do it okay this thing sucks big fat floppy dics all right I would draw you a picture and send it to you to show you exactly what it looks like hold up man you could draw pictures of dicks and send them to your friends on this thing yeah who cares this is the best invention of all time [Music] dance that was our Apple watch video whoa high-five yeah you guys might notice these guys and watch more videos lately what are your guys names I’m Keith Lee I’m Olivia sway I’m Noah gross me

so we’ve been reading the comments you guys love these guys we love these guys Wayne you we’ve been helping us make videos lately and they’re amazing they’re gonna help us do a bunch more content make sure you guys check out all their stuff they got going on right now we’re gonna put my stuff in the description below I’ve got their instagrams we’ve got their Twitter’s we’ve got all the fine begin stocking them like crazy let’s all say bye

so we can go and get to the end card there’s five of us sitting on a couch I guess you could say we’re all friends click subscribe to see all of our lovely faces in your feed the best part is it’s totally free unlike that gold Apple watch that’s worth seventeen thousand dollars yeah that wasn’t even a joke they seriously have one that cost that much look it up yep and if you want to see bloopers for this video and watch us draw questionable things on our Apple watches Oh guess whose this is well obviously it’s yours well gave it away you drew your face in it click the video on the left and if you want to see Siri try to kill us click the video on the right

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